---
slug: fn-src-post-038
title: "Facebook journal — 2025-04-19"
kind: source_post
status: published
hash: bb69ae91a07dd83c4887ef4f96ffe6836b7ac8b4587921e62dee38aa45facbf9
created: 2026-10-11T06:39:44.847Z
updated: 2026-10-11T06:39:44.847Z
summary: ""
tags: []
above: ["[[fn-index-posts]]"]
below: []
adjacent: []
nested: []
---
# Facebook journal — 2025-04-19

Tunnel: If I’m smarter than you, it’s not because I’m better than you, it’s because I’m broken in a way you dont want to be, and I can see the flaw in everything, all the time in every moment, I’m constantly looking for flaws, I’m looking for the flaws in myself, the flaws in my ideas, the flaws in how I look, the flaws in how I sound, how you sound, how you look, how you think, how I think, how the relationships between things are imperfect or connected, inter connected, all of the sounds, shapes, the volume inbetwewn everything and of the relationships between our thoughrs & our pooled dimensions relate to one another, how different dimensions in our lives relate to one another. Health, wealth, love, it doesnt matter where you work or who you’re with or what Ideas you have, if im nott above you, I would be beneath you, I cant be equal to you, because if there are knobs which control the severity of all of our different dials, then all of mine are turned so far up that they were broken before the plastic was peeled off. I’m resting at a 10,000 RPM when you don’t need 5,000 to survive being chased by a lion, or if your life depended on it. —— You’d stop & wonder what the point of this post is, but, that wouldn’t be the first time I’ve judged something, if it’s taken you this long. 

I can’t look in your eyes without getting electrocuted, If I’m on anxiety pills I can do it, and not feel much, of that or of anything else, but If I’m not then I don’t just feel a lot, wondering what you’re thinking, imagine we zoom in on your eyes, purely, zoom into you, see It all right there. I wish. It’s not just that I’m looking closely into you, it’s that’sr I’m asking every question most people, including myself, dont want to. I’m not just mapping you, I wish it stopped there. 

Zoom in till we get to the barrier of your eyes, now move in & invert and look back at me, I’m still with you.

See me & everyone else. See the interaction from not just how you see it, but, how I see it through you, and, how you truly feel about it. 

It’s raw, but, not as raw as the heart break of realizing that every person who ruined you, every monster, every demon, goes to bed believing in their own heart that they are a good person, that will break your heart if you have to see the things you hate, with such clarity, to hate things as you feel their own love for themselves purely & feel it alongside them. 

Don’t stop there, it’s not that quiet, it’s not that easy, if we sat down together, I might be able to trick you into believing you like me, but, if you heard what I heard you say, to me, you’d have to hear all the other things turned up, and you’d crawl out of your skin, faster than you’d realize I hate living in mine. 

It’s not that I want the volume, it’s that I’m stuck with it. & with the volume comes many tragedies, and the common thread in all of my tragedies, is that I caused them, I am the common denominator in a life constantly spinning & infinitely filtering every angle, and unfortunately I have to let you in, because the only way to make sense of anything, is to let you live inside my head until the story comes current & then the chips can fall where they may. 

This & everything that follows to bring the thread current will be a first draft, it’s 5:36 PM PST.

## Facts

```json
{
  "platform": "Facebook",
  "source_id": "https://facebook.com/100035971342878/posts/pfbid02q2Geov4N7dg52HPHi34Dn3PYdEHU7ANS8NMGq997iGGEX1g1ybR43PBvrjbPwSXxl/",
  "date_as_recorded": "2025-04-19",
  "post_type": "text",
  "author": "Cyrus Massoumi",
  "retrieval": "Facebook connection timeline fetch, 2026-10-10 (case file Appendix C)"
}
```

---

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