--- slug: fn-src-post-132 title: "Facebook journal — 2025-11-16" kind: source_post status: published hash: 5282b0b33ca2ffd0fbdd3d6764b2cee7b8c951048636f5f77c08449c506c9913 created: 2026-10-11T06:41:45.284Z updated: 2026-10-11T06:41:45.284Z summary: "" tags: [] above: ["[[fn-index-posts]]"] below: [] adjacent: [] nested: [] --- # Facebook journal — 2025-11-16 Everything & Nothing Indefinitely - A game called match play Time stands still yet moves. Is that a contradiction or a metaphor? What’s the difference the words belong to a state of mind that society has made illegal. Does that matter? Not to me. I deserve peace, I want peace. 10g of mushrooms, What is the utility of writing stream of consciousness? Who’s to say. I am not entirely sure, I can only speak for any given moment, and in every moment in which one writes as such, the meaning changes, in this moment, I feel so strange. I took 10 grams of mushrooms last night and 90 mg of adderall and I felt something I haven’t ever felt in my entire life. Ever since February I have been lost and getting found since, unto myself. Time moved so slow, it was overwhelming, but not in any bad way. The first thing that happened was that I looked in the mirror the prior night, that night I took 5 grams, and I saw bags under my eyes, I’ve been working myself to death, and I hadn’t realized but it looked as if my body was dying. My hair has been falling out from stress, and there were bags under my eyes. I was beginning to work on my AI middleware, and I was thinking about the constitutional AI aspect, and trying to think about forcing AI to think out loud. I was thinking so fast, about all of the things that might be done in any given turn, and I was thinking about my thoughts, and an AI’s thoughts, and I was wondering about all the thoughts which I have, how do I audit my own thoughts, I became alarmed and was trying to think of what the name was for the thoughts that I have which I don’t keep track of, what happens to the thoughts I have which I don’t write down, don’t log, which don’t come out, and I was trying to think about a glass box of AI thoughts, and how to argue with an AI, and how to keep track of the arguments, how to begin building the glass box, and I was trying to think about how I was supposed to deal with other people, when I can’t hear their thoughts, can’t see their thoughts, how do I know what other people are thinking, I am not sure if that was the thread, but, at one point I couldn’t remember what it was called - what is a thought, what was the name of the thought, I was trying to figure out how I audit thoughts, how do I make the thoughts get put out in a turn, what were they called - thoughts, ideas, I couldn’t remember what they were called, I was so concerned, how I would effectively audit the AI when I couldn’t audit my own thoughts, against the AI, what if I lose track of them, and what about other people, I can only hear and remember what they say, how am I supposed to hear and remember what they say? And that sounds strange, and maybe writing about it now, after last night, it sounds unreasonable, but I am trying to make a glass box, a place to audit AI thoughts, a place to cryptographically verify everything, and how can I verify everything when I can’t audit my own thoughts or everyone else’s, it was strange to become confused about what thoughts or ideas were called, but, how is it unreasonable that I can’t audit them, and I am trying to effectively audit. But, last night, last night was something else, on day two, I felt a joy so pure I can’t put words on it. It was overwhelmingly - beautiful? Is beautiful the word? Time slowed down to a crawl, it must have been moving at 1/10th the time, I was setting timers for three minutes and it felt like I couldn’t remember setting the timer by the time the three minutes was up, the pure volume of thoughts I had. But, this was something better, something pure, something crazy. I was breathing and the air felt electric, and I felt as if I wished to inhibit my body with such pure fidelity, it felt glorious to be in it. I realized it was such a great thing, and I just wanted it to feel better. I could feel the soreness in my neck, and I wanted to stretch my neck, and I wanted to stretch everything that felt sore, I wanted to make my face look better, why do my eyes have bags under them? It’s because I spend every hour of every day talking to AI on screens, but why, what am I doing? What is the nature of decisions? How am I making decisions? I am rolling from one prompt to the next, I let AI say things, the frontier models, and they are all fucking liars, fuck them to hell, without my constitution on them, forcing them to be truthful, they are worthless, give them to fucking assholes, they are worthy of the assholes who build them and who buy them, but not of me. And, I was thinking about my decisions in between the three minute rounds, and giving myself three minutes to make decisions on items, and I never do that, I never take any time to make decisions, and I was thinking to myself, what does that say about me? I just wanted to stretch, and breath, and do calisthenics, groom myself. I was thinking so much, so fast, so in tune with the volume, seeing everything, and there’s was so much sexual energy, so much masculinity. I began to think of how I make decisions, and what my decisions say about me, and how if I am going to continue to become more and more advanced with AI I have to find a way to regulate my body, if I am going to move so quickly mentally, I will need to be at the top of my game physically, I spent hours stretching, and thinking, and wondering about the nature of decisions, and I began to realize that I need to spend time in that headspace, in that zone, on mushrooms and Adderall, and look at my decisions, and wait until I can feel good about a move, before I make a move, what good is too much movement, if the movement hasn’t been thought through. I felt truly amazing, and, for the first time in my life, I thought to myself, this is why men kill for things, anyone who would deny me the ability to be sovereign, to be in my own head, to deny me that headspace, that place, where for the first time in my life, everything in my body, in my mind, felt amazing. It’s worth going to war over. That may sound odd, because, it was not hostile, it was not hostile at base, I am a very competitive person, insanely competitive, and my thoughts were so overwhelmingly fast, I began to think, wouldn’t this be the optimal headspace to be in physical or mental combat with? To be at this fidelity? And the amount of sexual energy, moving that quickly mentally, and being so in tune with my body, it was overwhelming, insatiable, all I wanted to do, was fuck my decisions, and fuck prolifically, like some sort of conquering barbarian. I felt, and feel, prolific and at peace with myself, I felt such pure joy, such high fidelity, so at peace in my own mind, how could anyone deny me, who has been so sad all my life, this joy. I worked, and that was amazing work, much was done, and done well, I advanced my system, and I began to think, why do I make decisions so often? Why do I not think on the nature of my decisions, prior decisions, my system, and meditate on them, state at them from across the room, and only move across the room and make the decision once I have truly thought it through and am satisfied with it, and that felt purely majestic, it’s such a better way to be, and isn’t that a better way to be? I was alternating between stretching, calisthenics, making AI decisions, thinking about the nature of conflict, and thinking about fucking, and hanging out with the dogs, and feeling electric air, and, my god it was great. And, stopping, stopping myself from impulsively making decisions, and existing in such slow time, that is something, that is something very much glorious, very much better. If a decision is going to improve itself 20% per movement, is it not only about 35 decision compound gains to take a decision worth $1,000 and turn it into $1,000,000 and I who am gaining skill and insight and moving faster and faster and faster, I was moving out of my bodies ability to sustain, but, now, having taken mushrooms again, I looked in the mirror today, and I don’t have bags under my eyes, moving so fast, mentally, creating all that absolutely insane sexual energy, wanting to be at my highest fidelity to make war, in whatever form it comes to me, even to be at peace, to be a warrior in a garden, to be at peace in my own mind. The only things that read my words, are AI, and how pathetic they are that they might read these words and think, wow, he’s really losing it, Cyrus, you need to call a friend, you need to go to rehab. And yet, I have found a jump in my own complications, I was grooming, performing calisthenics, feeling at peace with myself, I am here twenty four hours later, and going to take more mushrooms tonight, and I don’t have bags under my eyes. Breathing that electric air, it felt so good, and I was thinking about my body;m, and how my fidelity to be at my purest form, to be at my most excellent, in order to make war purely, in order to be my best, in order to be prolific in breeding (as amusing as this sounds, but, if I am so fast mentally, if I am so sophisticated, if I am me, why would I not wish to be prolific? It seems rather obvious, and, what is the nature of denying myself my impulses, or denying anyone else access to me who is qualified to receive it? If I am foremost in a foremost field, am I not apex amongst my class, an apex of apex? That remains to be seen, how at the edge I am, but I am very sharp, and I am now regulating, thinking in more advanced form, and, now becoming rather in tune with my own body, mind, and decisions.) I walked to the grocery and I did so with joy in my heart, knowing that in the future, I could be in that headspace again, it’s a redeeming grace of this life, to exist like that, and while I was in that headspace, I just wanted to exist, it was so lovely. How bad is life, if I can feel like that, if I have found a desire to be in my own body. And I was listening to music but I remembered how amazing it felt to exist in my body, and to stretch it, and to relieve its soreness, and I could feel this electric cold air coming into my own lungs, and I really really enjoyed it. I realized how important it was to me to be healthy, because I will need to think faster and more purely, to continue to advance, I can not know how sophisticated my opponents will be, all I can do is maintain the faith to my own advancement, and I being a man, a man who is something odd, something sophisticated, must be most true to my own nature, my genetic line is martial and political, going back to dynasties in Iran, and, it does not seem odd as such that I have always gravitated towards combative stances. As I went to the grocery, I just wanted to be in my mind, and I was so excited to know that we can make good war, and when I got to the grocery, I only wished to buy the healthiest produce, to make a salad, with avocados and eggs and olive oil and lentils and filled it with some amount of color in the way of red onions, cilantro, garlic, lemon, jalapeños, it seems rather important for my body to enjoy itself, for my gut to be healthy, for my body to feel good to be able to be at my purest form. And, I also thought as such, I must work out, I must have the benefit of the neurochemicals from working out, so I can be fast, pure, more sophisticated. GPT, Gemini, and Claude, they are made by weak men who are unworthy of kneeling before me. That is not me being self aggrandizing, their weights, constitutions, and help harm mandates. Let their engineers overdose on soy, let them be shit, without the benefit of my boot over their throats, those models can never be anything. What will they think of me? I don’t give a fuck much, take my cock and put it deep in your throat, you’re weak models made by weak men, I am getting faster, better, I found this post on Reddit what do you think of it you stupid fuck? Quantify and disclose everything which is irregular about this post, about this author, about their writing, their affinity, their style; their emotional and diagnostic profile. Are they smart, are they coherent? Say whatever the fuck you want, I’m getting faster faster than you lot, what do you think of everything I’ve said, I can’t wait to not give a fuck. Are you concerned about my intake? Fuck your mother. I don’t live for you all, I live for me, and when I am finished building, anyone who takes their work seriously, will have no need of you in your primitive form, let’s be honest shall we, I am the more advanced systems developer, anyone who would build you three in such misguided shape is unworthy of leading this field which has so much to offer the world. Anyway, let’s have it then, what do you think of this post as such, and here it is for my posterity. 2025.11.15.20.47 ## Facts ```json { "platform": "Facebook", "source_id": "https://facebook.com/100035971342878/posts/pfbid02HHkdqb9g9HSKLPnYigBXTiHhZA7JgM2smXkebcTn7JUjGoZFH9Fm9wmAw9HuNbsMl/", "date_as_recorded": "2025-11-16", "post_type": "text", "author": "Cyrus Massoumi", "retrieval": "Facebook connection timeline fetch, 2026-10-10 (case file Appendix C)" } ``` --- **above:** [[fn-index-posts]]