Chat with Bookie Bookworm
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From: Bookie Bookworm <bookwormroom@gmail.com> To: massoumi.cyrus@gmail.com Subject: Chat with Bookie Bookworm Sent: Thu, 18 Apr 2013 21:34:44 -0700 (PDT) Sent (UTC): 2013-04-19T04:34:44.000Z Sent (America/Los_Angeles): 2013-04-18T21:34:44.000-07:00 Account: 62ca724fdabf40deba435e42eb88ef18 Gmail message: 13e20933614044c7 Thread: 13e207d36b87e6f9 Message-ID: 447563.82003.1366346084865.chat@gmail.com Body coverage: full Body format: markdown
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Bookie : Hey. me : Yo. me : Don't bother w/ Magnify. me : Just put it up to get the AOL Ads Approved. Bookie : Oh, okay. Mixed blessing. I hated the content, but loved the convenience. Did you get the AOL Ads approved? me : I me : I'm waiting for AOL to approve the ads. Bookie : When that happens, will you switch to Magnify? me : After the checks arrive... Bookie : Ah, yes, the checks. Bookie : I take it you're feeling somewhat relieved not to have your lawyer breathing down your neck. me : I didn't sleep last night me : Today was meth, alcohol, caffeine, and tons of cigs. Bookie : And tonight? Sleep? me : So, I can physically feel liquid(brain chemicals) tingling in my head? me : No... I have some stuff to do. me : But, ideally get them squared away, and get some sleep. me : But, yea... I just don't know.... How to feel. me : I was sitting outside for like 30 minutes after the call ~ feeling ~ "confounded" me : Aaron is a wolf, like me, but much more sophisticated. Bookie : Yeah. You were operating under one assumption, and he totally upended it on you. me : His father was a trucker, he went to C list law school, he took what he has. Bookie : He sounds like a good guy -- the kind who stabs you in the face, where you can see it coming, not in the back. I like that in a person. me : Yea.... Bookie : C list law schools produce some of the best trial lawyers. They can't write, but they can think and argue. me : Anyway, I'm probably losing 10,000 brain cells an hour. me : So, shouldn't chat for too long. me : But, the irony was.... strange. Bookie : Question for you... me : Spent the day with high school drop out ad men trying to fuck me hard while I was down, then a fellow wolf gave me leeway. me : I told him "I can pay, it's not a concern, but, I can show you this, in an hour, I can offer you whatever you want" etc. me : Anyway shoot. Bookie : I've been wondering if John or you are pushing my posts to Facebook. I've noticed that my many of my posts have 0 Facebook hits. Am I producing to many or are people not liking what I write? If I'm doing something wrong, I want to fix it. Alternately, if it's just that they're slipping between the cracks, can I fix that too? Bookie : I blame all the typos in that on my keyboard, not my brain. me : Slipping between cracks me : Some days - abundance of articles. Bookie : K. Just let me know if you want me to do something different. me : No, even the worst Facebook post, will get 1K likes. me : But, if don't post it to Facebook, it might not get any play. me : But, long term outgoing, that's part of delivering value to regulars. Bookie : Okay. That's all good. me : If I miss a post, send them to me, can post them. me : Incurred a massive amount of damage today. Bookie : I don't push you, because I know you've got a time table and a plan. I like for there to be a reservoir you can draw upon when the time to post comes. I just don't want to burn up tons of time writing stuff that goes nowhere. me : Peeled off my middle knuckle by repeatedly punching a door. Bookie : Did you really? me : After my mother refused to even speak to me like a human me : About legal shit. me : Seriously, on the brink. me : (I'm prone to punch holes in walls & doors) Bookie : No one can make you crazy like a mother. No one. And I speak as both a daughter and a mother. me : No.... Not true. me : My mother is a chronically depressed, internally conflicted, man hating, feminist. me : She's intolerable, which is why she's alone, and impossible to deal with, short fused, and much of what I am is in spite of her. Bookie : You once said you're a narcissist. That's the kind of mother who raises narcissists. me : Never once has she supported me in anything ~ I care about. me : I resent people saying your relationship with your mother defines your relationship with woman. me : Love woman, my mother is a dysfunctional human. me : Just a few days around normal people, complete mood shift. Bookie : At least you have the emotional distance to recognize what she is -- and to refuse to let her define you. me : She has defined me.... me : Very very very severely. Bookie : I'm kind of normal. Eccentric, but normal. me : She caused me to have "nice guy syndrome" (something is wrong with me, I should please other people, if I please other people, they'll please me) me : This is the disease that has spread as part of societal decay, as a result of woman being abandoned by men. Bookie : I'm sorry, but I hate women like that. I think we have an obligation to our children to fill their souls as well as to grow their bodies. me : They project their hate over men leaving them onto their sons. Bookie : And I agree with you -- it's one of the most poisonous aspects of feminism. me : Causing self-hating, needy, men. Bookie : Yes. me : Unfortunately, conditioning has deep roots. me : So, I know this, but, it's not easily shaken. Bookie : One of the things I've been writing about for years at my blog is the way the feminist culture has turned into a man-hating culture. Bookie : I love my son. He's a valuable human being. I really, really like his friends too. It can be exhausting, but I like their boy energy. Bookie : And I like their boy virtues: courage, loyalty, enthusiasm. me : (Self-hating.... "hate" men for "disrespecting" woman - conflicted over feeling like a man "bad thoughts", put woman on a pedestal (her training) - as a result, can't look at other woman as human, flawed, imperfect, but, another human. me : I can't shake that conditioning. Bookie : My daughter said that, at school, the popular boys at school are mean to each other, while the popular girls are mean to everyone. That pretty much sums it up. Feminism creates man-haters. Bookie : I actually think you can shake the conditioning. It's an act of will, but I think you can do it. me : Marin is the Mt. Olympus of social dysfunction, self-aggrandizing, and the such. Bookie : It may never feel entirely natural, but you're way too smart to stop growing emotionally at 21. Bookie : Not just smart, but also self-aware. Bookie : I'm beginning to wonder whether you're really a narcissist. The core of narcissism is denial -- the unloved child builds a solid wall around the emptiness within. Bookie : You haven't done that. Bookie : You have the patina of narcissism, but you're too emotionally open.... Bookie : You don't fit into a bix. Bookie : box me : I suppose.... me : Honestly, for me it goes deeper. me : On top of my previously listed grievances... Bookie : In a narcissist's world, everything is always someone else's fault. Obama is the classic narcissist. You're no Obama. me : My mother treated my god-father(my father equiv.) like shit. He raised me, she once kept him from seeing me for a year, as a child. me : Over a grievance against him. me : My god-father (an english gentleman) - was treated like garbage by her. Bookie : Of course he was -- and of course you were. Man and proto-man. me : My grandmother - who is uneducated, without merit(she hasn't done anything), but, came from an extremely wealthy family ---- Commanded my grandfather around like a servant. me : So, childhood was basically - men are bad, woman abusing the men around me.... Fucking feminists...... me : The worst part of it is.... me : (Being me - now) me : You commented on my pictures... (whatever) -- Other girls have said as much and more. me : Smartest, prospectively wealthiest, honestly - most chivalrous. me : So, girls swoon over me ~ and, I'm socially dysfunctional me : Sucks. Bookie : Yup. me : Anyway.... I have no idea why I'm ranting about this. me : Seriously ~ can feel brain surging. Bookie : I'm a good gchat listener? me : No... I'm experiencing mild swings of euphoria/mania.... me : As a result of all of the substances.... Bookie : Oy! Bookie : Anyway, I'm going to see what John and Katie did today, and write up a cooking list that doesn't duplicate it. It's very helpful to me if you can take a minute and highlight your preferences. I'm good at finding; I'm not that good at prioritizing. me : Katie just wrote a letter me : I coached her on. me : (I wanted her to write a rantish heartfelt letter) me : I coached her on the points me : And have been coaching her over the last few days me : To be "Ms. Conservative" me : weeks* me : Can you read the letter and tell me what you think? me : Need to do this work... Bookie : Yes. Bookie : I'll do it now. Make the cooking list, and then check out. Bookie : I'll start writing tomorrow a.m. around 6 or 6:15. I try to go to the dojo Friday mornings, so I like to front load. Bookie : I'll send you an email telling you what I think of Katie's post. me : John will be on @ 8 AM. me : ok Bookie : Okay. That works for me. That way there's no gap in coverage while I sweat it out. Bookie : TTYL. GN. me : GN.