I was thinking of taking a moment to feel sorry for myself, not on my own account, but for my dogs, but then I realized if I fell asleep I wouldn’t be able to walk to well in the morning, if I didn’t have my sciatica pillow in between my knees, and now that it’s there this writing can have the benefit of some brief attention.
I would not waste hope, if I had any, hoping for good things, or wondering what is on my makers mind. Sometimes I write because I may have imagined that in the presence of so many unmovable things I might among the things which persist echo in a message in a bottle across the ocean of time. But, humbled I know my maker is the ocean, and whatever message I am surely even the decadence of the bottle is not long to be bothered by me.
It has occurred to me that I have carried forward for some years for my dogs benefit, I don’t exactly know what that says about me, but I haven’t wondered either. If expectations and data are true, I won’t have dogs much longer, a year, a year or less, a year would likely take one or both, if I am even granted that mercy of knowing as long.
Animals are kinder than people that’s why I’ve always held them in close affinity. I was looking at my big dog in my arms and staring into the beast and realizing his age I wondered if I would give him a year of mine, if I could stack for him, by taking of mine.
While as I resolved on yes, since I am not doing anything with my time, and care for him, I had to stop because I realized he would have to spend that year I gave presumably with me, and in so doing would the gift not self negate and be a punishment.
I realized, realize… I have not taken them on enough walks, or been diligent, even responsible, I have not been, I have no excuses.
If I could ask my maker for anything I would ask that everything I hurt or was a burden to, if it could forget me, and its injury become foreign to it.
What do I want: Am I asking the question, answering it? What’s the point? There is no point, and maybe that is the point.
On the field of my defeat I am, gaining the crumbs of compassion which I lacked feeling intuitively from peers.
Am I depressed, no, this - is not depression. I am not among enough for the world that I and it mutually forgot to engage one another in the libel of expectations around.
Very Truly Yours —
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"I was thinking of taking a moment to feel sorry for myself, not on my own account, but for my dogs, but then I realized if I fell asleep I wouldn’t be able to walk to well in the morning, if I didn’t have my sciatica pillow in between my knees, and now that it’s there this writing can have the benefit of some brief attention.",
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"It has occurred to me that I have carried forward for some years for my dogs benefit, I don’t exactly know what that says about me, but I haven’t wondered either. If expectations and data are true, I won’t have dogs much longer, a year, a year or less, a year would likely take one or both, if I am even granted that mercy of knowing as long. ",
"Animals are kinder than people that’s why I’ve always held them in close affinity. I was looking at my big dog in my arms and staring into the beast and realizing his age I wondered if I would give him a year of mine, if I could stack for him, by taking of mine. ",
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"Very Truly Yours —"
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