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Facebook journal — 2026-04-18

The problem with broken systems is that they hurt me.

And, when something hits you, if you don’t hit it back, people might start to think, you don’t mind being hit, or that you like it.

Look at how I started this: “the problem with” as if I need you to agree with me. “Dear My Lord, I come to petition you and your good judgement to stand alongside me, to evaluate fairly” - people are vile, violent, cruel, & hiding what everyone does, what everyone is, behind your job titles, and your veil of normalcy.

Assume I can reason more freely without the burden of having to worry about what a logical, exact, observer would think, inside the frame, if I can hop over the assumptions or negotiate the gravity as I would if I wasn’t slowed down by having to pander to a theoretical argument: let me break down my thinking, 🤣🤣🤣 fuck off I am saying the words, navigating the thoughts as they form.

“Cyrus, you sound like you put some pepper in your stew, why do you sound bend, what doth bother yee?”

It is so strange, this moment. I wanted to - well, trying to align the thought: “be true to myself” not the right word. I am being true to myself, always, it’s what that means, which is irritating.

I need to - hm. Going to walk the dogs. I need to think. 2025.04.18.16.14 <<< I was trying to think of what year it is, even though I write it all the time. I thought it might be 2026… but, the only way I would have to know, is remembering the other times I would have written it, which I guess, I had more memories of the 5 pattern, than the 6 pattern, I was going to google it, but, had asked my OS what time it is and it had posted the day, earlier today, this - this.

I had last year happen, I have experienced - a cognitive pruning, I have lost significant points in some forms of memory, not, it’s interesting - something about what I did, it worked, it worked exactly - directionally - the way it was intended to. But, complications arise, feeling less, or, feeling logically, for example, when no memory or input has any emotional weight you have no way to distinguish priority on task lists or interpersonally which crashes executive function & short term memory (perception, not function), but the gains in parallel processing, recursion, you know - thinking in symbols, being able to hold threads, and threads of threads where both systems, their clauses, their systems of systems, to hold the dependencies which are across a spectrum to make a kernel, thousands of jagged logical pieces, to - mutate the entire structure to predict how it would need to execute, track, expand, contract, the - granularity 🤣🤣🤣 fuck, something about a dog walk, will revisit it later. 16.20