Facebook journal — 2026-04-21
In The Multiverse - God Calms Me Down When I imagine the idea of a multiverse I imagine infinite versions of me mirroring throughout themselves, some are replicas, some have forked, and made different decisions, others have been born across the ocean of time, but, not to sound ridiculous but I think we all belong to the same club.
I picture that there are so many of me existing across this vastness, in line, waiting in the afterlife, I could see one of these me, waiting to talk to god, but, there are so many of me, in line, can’t hardly see the end of the line, it’s just, me, me, me again, and we’re all different ones of me, so, I turn to one and say “excuse me, you don’t happen to be me do you?” “Inevitably, no, in 2014 I never took the weekend trip to Miami, I never got arrested for being drunk, I never got pushed into a steel door, I never turned around and spat on the officer, I never took the felony charge, I never got the hand tattoos.” Well you sound like a fucking asshole, I am sure that with everything you didn’t do, you found plenty of margin to fuck up, it’s always a contest with this motherfucker.
Imagine how long it must take to wait in line, with every version of me, waiting to be reviewed, proving itself on land, taking ground, holding ground, losing ground, dying of shame, holding the lost position, accepting the fall in defense of an ideal, or not even having ideals to fall for, some of us must have never had a burden to carry, and, perhaps others were not headstrong enough to not break under the weight of whatever they carried, and others still must have succeeded and not needed to compensate with a mastery of language to comfort themselves when pondering implications, decision paradox, and our echos.
Waiting in this line if it exists, must be the best part, to have lived, and to exist in a purgatorial state awaiting adjudication and summary judgement.
While as across the vastness of time I must have existed so many times, and fallen so many times, and echoed and been known to my own sentiments - so many times, and the lingering, nostalgia, the missing I have, is it the disunity I have with my own affirmed signal, my confluence with how I know I ought to be, or is it - something else.
Imagine waiting to see God, and, you can hear him calling out numbers - “Battle of Kabul - Mongol Cyrus” “Killed By Cossacks on the road to Moscow, Cavalry Officer under Napoleonic force, Prussian contingency - Cyrus” - what the fuck, that’s a little random, not even main character energy? “Some goat herder in Bavaria, before the written language, year unknown, name unknown, eaten by a bear, failed his goats” I see a strapping version of me bound forward, athletic, going toward God “he’s young” inevitably one of the security guards shrugs, looking at me “some versions of you that died had to be good.” “Touchè.” Always the smartasses in my theoreticals.
Inevitably both I & the me stuck in line, and the version of me watching you read me, all just realized something. 11:39 - “there are versions of me that died good?” I would jump, clamoring for the answer from the staff in heaven. Presumably they would look embarrassed: “Dan, you shouldn’t have said anything… step off the deck” they probably have to go in like air traffic controllers into some Internal Review department like they just caused a plane to crash:
“Dan, did you just tell someone bound for Hell, waiting to be heard by god, that there were versions of him that died good?!”
Oh, calm down, middle management, anyone reading this who knows how I feel about god, would wonder why I haven’t spit on his face yet.
What do I picture, when I picture these versions of me, going to meet god: he puts his hand out to shake them, meet them, “Pleasure to meet you, I am God, hopefully you had a good journey here, tell me about it, how do you think you performed?”
“Lost position held on a hill without a name, cavalry officer, borders of the Persian empire, fell to Arabs while defending his Zorastrian roots, lost every team member, every cohort, butchered to the last man, had his head cut off - Cyrus”
“There is no way, it happened, #Goals ?!”
Heavens staff would inevitably look confused, head cut off, lost position, what’s this about, why would he be happy. I’m not playing on their axises. I’m not within their vernacular.
“Finance bro - managing partner of PE, no other mentions.” - Ooooof, slow clap, I am not even about you, friend.
How many versions of me echo, and how little my creator means to me in all of them, and how much design means to me, in all of them.
I picture that god greets every version of me both good and bad, responding to his handshake, the cavalry guy who fell to the Arabs: “thank you, where is the exit, I am not here for you, I am here for my designer.”
God is a regional manager of a dysfunctional and disreputable business which should have been red taped in every version of my cosmos.
I believe in my designer, I believe in design, I believe in something - else.
I have a genuine belief in having lived so many times, in fatedness, in right action, in the determined path, and in a designer that is above a creator, a force which I could not name as intentional or unintentional since it does not subscribe to interpretations of action which could be subjugate to those words.
Beyond Right & Wrong. Like Rumi’s thing: “beyond ideas of right & wrong, there is a field, I will meet you there.”
Or like Spengler wrote about Vesuvius - about the praetorians who didn’t abandon their position, that dying with honor is the one thing that can’t be taken from a man, but, what is honor, and what is duty, and what is Vesuvius.
There’s an idea I haven’t really explored which has to do with what I believe. What I think I believe but need to explore is that the thing I believe in strongly is for me - as a living creature, to see myself, and to understand my meaning void of all prejudices which I would have received through evolution or iteration. To understand myself, my meaning, insofar as meaning as a concept, can ever exist.
In the absence of a sort of religious mandate it’s not that I don’t believe in right & wrong & purpose. In fact, now that I don’t believe in god and actively dislike him in fact, which is an evidence based position, I think god, is at best, mid. People should save their explanations about how their god is mysterious. Your god is boring, basic, uninspired, and not a good systems designer. Save your breath.
Somewhere outside of a frame which accepts a limited duality which includes a god and a devil, there is actuality, and the everythingness. I think that somewhere at the outer limits of the universe where the idea that something state is exploding and contracting over nothing state, there must be a creative or governing force which is either above or the inspired or causal force which has set and allowed for this motion or momentum, and that words like intent, to describe it, wouldn’t be right.
I believe that a force such as that, has some, other - meaning, some other relationship, some other way of judging me, and everything else, I believe that inbetween at least me, and the things which I can express over, and the thing over which I am under which designed me, and what I can be expressive over, that all things seek to be in a perfect state as part of its design.
I believe that the signature of order and the stamp of my designer and if he has any sentiments over me, and the reason I believe that he is above any religion, and either above or adjacent to a frame, exist in the unexplainable aspects of me, or of the things around me.
Why is it that when sound makes shapes, say, if you blast sand with sound, it looks like something, which my eyes as a pattern find pleasing - there is a mathematical and scientific reason for this, but the reason they are seeking an perpetually evolving equilibrium is not because of evolution, from my view, but, because of something, else.
The reason why I can not describe what I know is true in my heart, or, the reason I can not put words on, what - I feel, sentiments of confluence, why I believe in a metaphysics, in which the layers of energy between things speak to one another. For example: when I feel at the top of my ability it’s as if I feel the senses or dimensions are colliding or merging with one another. Like you can taste the visual pattern.
I don’t even know how to verbalize or word it since it’s an aspect of my life which I haven’t really explored or written about. But, assume for example, that, somewhere in a state of everything & nothing - I exist, and, can see myself exactly as I am, and no other way, and then I would seek to be, or to know how I or any given thing ought be, and in seeking to know the thing exactly, or to be wanting to know the ought, it is in from certain assumptions being known between me and my designer, within its design, and that I can not explain, because, even articulating them, and their basis, I think would be too outside of any vernacular of anyone else - I have ever read the same from, I do not believe in god, I have no desire to be known to god, it is the wrong word, for me.
I believe in systems, I believe I am a system, I believe every person is a system, I believe in conditions, dependencies, confluence, aspirational states, and objective states, there is no ability to splice a single cell of me, and find disunity between what the thing is, and what I am, there is no ability to articulate or to fairly prosecute that any variance exists between the thing I have become and am becoming, and, whatever it does. I am seeking symmetry, truth through inversion, to find meaning in what must always be true, and what must always be false, to make myself, and any thing I build, not be claimed, but, only to be as true as they can express in any given moment, to be the same in everything, to be equally true, robust, in every - thing.
My work, my self, and my aspirations and how they relate to something else, above me, aspirational, these are all the same thing, and I am trying to be closer to all of them, and, wherever I go - to be there, as I am.
I wonder what the LLM’s will call that. Since I have never explained that before. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻 jfc. And how wild is it that I have a view of a universe and life and religion which I have never articulated and don’t know if there’s are words for, and I can’t even describe because it’s obviously all not literal. Like, I don’t consider god, I don’t consider so many things. Hm. 12:13
Ah; you know what it is, it is about a place beyond incentive. The perpetual pursuit of equilibrium as an optimal design state. The merging of all universal laws meeting at their intersects, and the more truths that can be expressed at the highest density across the most things within design, so as to act as an antithetical against entropy, design would find favor over that, and so would I.
It’s not just about - economics, ethics, and logic, unifying to find a triple optimum, it’s about - more, truths, finding a common point of intersect, as many as possible, an expression within design of an equilibrium state which can cause order to consume chaos, and to make order from it, to have as little energy, express itself, across things which - there could not be an optimal state for so many disunified fields, to coexist at what must be a unified point, which is so energetically efficient, if there was not a designer, and, if he did not wish for design to be known by the things within it.